7. Wrecked

Karkat didn't really pay much attention when Eridan walked in, or when he started arguing with Sollux and Feferi. It was a pretty standard thing, nothing particularly out of the ordinary. He was more worried about getting a hold of Jade in the correct timeline. He wanted to get this shit figured out. He was knee deep in frustration at the neon green text shouting "PASSWORD PASSWORD" when he heard something slam against a wall. That made him spin around.

"What the fuck—" He began, until he saw Sollux, bleeding and unconscious, with Eridan pointing his wand at him.

The rest happened too quickly for him to react.

An enraged Feferi charged at Eridan, her trident in hand. The purpleblood scowled and shot a bolt of white through her. She looked shocked for a moment as blood dribbled from the corner of her mouth and the hole in her chest. She fell backwards into the horn pile with a dissonant HONK that seemed all too out of place.

Karkat's mouth was gaped open in shock. In his mind were half completed thoughts of disbelief. Had... had Eridan really just...?

As if just realizing he was there, Eridan turned to glare at him.

"What now, Kar?" He growled. "Was this how you figured this relationship would end? Did you use your advanced knowledge of romance to deduce this?" For once, Karkat didn't yell when he spoke.

"Eridan... what—"

"Shut the fuck up." He lifted the wand in his hand, and Karkat did just that. "I'm done listening to you. I'm done listening to any of you. None of you care. No one cares about poor little messed up Eridan. 'He's finally snapped! He killed the girl he loved!'" He grimaced. Karkat realized for the first time that his face was pale. Like he couldn't believe what he'd just done, either. "I'm through. Fuck you. Fuck this whole game. We're all going to die anyway." He finally dropped his hand. "It's hard, havin' hope. It's fuckin' hard and no one fuckin' understands." Eridan turned away from him and walked to the transportalizer, disappearing without another word.

Karkat felt like the world had been dropped out from under him. He'd tried so hard, so damn hard, to make sure every one of them had gotten through the game alive. Even when they failed, they were still together. He thought they'd die together, too, but at the hands of Noir. Not their own.

He fell to his knees. He'd failed. Failed as a leader, utterly and horribly. One of the sweetest, kindest trolls he'd ever met had been killed because he couldn't fucking mediate their relationship, or lack there of.

And then he saw Kanaya. She was kneeling next to the transportalizer, the Matriorb on the floor beside her. She had her arms wrapped around her chest, as though trying to keep herself from falling apart. Sobs wracked her thin frame, and rivulets of green tears streamed down her face. He could just barely hear her saying, over and over again, "It's all my fault, it's all my fault..."

Karkat took a deep breath. The living. Tend to the living first. There was nothing he could do for Feferi now.

He walked to Kanaya's side and crouched beside her, putting a steady arm around her shaking shoulders.

"It's alright, Kanaya. It's going to be okay."

"How?" Karkat looked into her tearstreaked face. "How will this ever be alright? Feferi's dead, and I handed Eridan the wand that killed her!" Karkat sighed, turning his gaze back to the horn pile and Feferi's body.

"Sometimes a leader has to lie to make his underlings feel better." For a long moment, Kanaya didn't say anything. Finally, she stood, wiping the tears out of her eyes. Karkat stood beside her.

"Y-you're right," she finally managed to say. "And sometimes we all have to lie to ourselves just to keep going."

"Yeah." Without another word, they went to check on Sollux.

Take care of the living first. Then you can mourn the dead.