Wizardstuck: Potions Master

Severus Snape had never liked children. It might have seemed odd to most, even though it was a blatantly obvious fact, but the truth was, there weren't many jobs available for former Deatheaters, turncoat or not. Besides that, he'd done it as a favor for Dumbledore. Even if it meant he'd have to deal with the little monsters nine months out of the year.

Naturally, he, along with all the other teachers, had been made aware of the origins of the new students. The humans were of little interest, but the trolls, he had to admit, somewhat intrigued him. They were in no way related to the beastly trolls that wizards knew of and were, in fact, something like aliens, as preposterous as the claim seemed. Aside from that, they did indeed look like little monsters, what with their gray skin, horns, and sharp teeth.

The way that schedules worked out resulted in Snape getting the chance to meet all these new students on the first day of classes. His morning began with teaching the Ravenclaws, followed by a double class with Slytherins and Gryffindors, and finally the Hufflepuffs after lunch.

He began the first class like he did every year. He purposely chose a difficult potion, well beyond the meager abilities of most of these hooligans, and instructed them to brew it as best they could. The benefit of this was that it gave him an excellent way to gauge general skill and talent. Those with none would concoct some sort of horrible sludge, and those with promise would make something relatively close to the actual potion.

Snape generally enjoyed classes with Ravenclaws more than many of the other houses. A vast majority of the students were the quiet, studious type that varied in ability from being a natural to a decent potion brewer. The four new students appeared to be fairly competent. The short-haired troll, Kanaya Maryam, was excellent with a blade, and the girl Rose Lalonde was familiar with basic potion-making techniques. Both of theirs turned out very good. The other troll girl, Aradia Megido, was a step below, though she seemed able to follow instructions well. The last human, the girl by the name of Jade Harley, surprised him by actually asking questions of him. He found himself explaining techniques and why they were used, and, to his surprise, she seemed not only to understand but also to be generally interested. Her final product was the best of the group (though not perfect, of course), and although she was annoying, Snape could tolerate her. He had had few students who seemed so eager to learn.

The double with Slytherin and Gryffindor went predictably awful. Every year, he pleaded with Dumbledore to stop the double classes, or at least put any two houses together besides those two, but it never actually happened. This year was no different.

To his chagrin, four of his students came into the dungeons wearing sunglasses. All of them were the new students, and three of them were the trolls. He let off Terezi Pyrope when she had explained that she was blind (and had removed the glasses long enough to reveal that her eyes were pupil-less orbs as red as her lenses) and Sollux Captor (for a similar reason, since although he was not blind, his eyes were also pupil-less and equally disturbing). Equius Zahhak had complied with little difficulty, though his command had oddly made the student break out into a sweat, which he mopped up with his robes. Only Dave Strider had posed a problem. When he cheekily refused, Snape removed points from Gryffindor and gave him detention in the dungeon that afternoon. The boy still didn't remove the glasses. He upped the punishment to a week. Finally, Snape left it at that, though he informed him that every day that Dave failed to comply with the dress code, he would receive another month of detention. The boy had simply replied that they would get to know each other real well by the end of the semester, and the subject was dropped.

All the Gryffindors were predictably horrible. Vriska Serket simply threw something together and called it a potion. Snape was quite sure that she had only skimmed the directions and hoped for the best. Nepeta Leijon had appeared to legitimately try in her attempt (in spite of the fact that she began batting the bat tongue around like a cat before finally cutting it up), though it only came out marginally better than Vriska's. Sollux and Dave's were both mediocre at best and barely passable. Also, he noticed after inspecting Vriska's potion that something brushed against the edges of his mind, something attempting to sneak its way in. The something was odd and difficult to identify. It felt, well, alien. He turned sharply and glared at her. She smiled in a way that she no doubt thought was innocent, though the expression was entirely ruined by her fangs.

"I do not suggest trying that again, Miss Serket. Fifty points from Gryffindor," he said aloud, and while there were hushed conversations of people asking what had happened, he didn't elaborate. In the back of his mind, he filed away this information for later. Vriska was apparently a natural Legilimens.

The Slytherins, unfortunately, were nearly equally as bad. Equius broke no less than three knives, two sets of mortar and pestle, and cracked a cauldron before Snape commanded him to simply watch the other students (resulting in another outpouring of sweat). Eridan Ampora succeeded in making his potion explode in his face. Gamzee Makara's attempt was decent, though he had very nearly stuck a finger into the concoction and tasted it himself. The only one with any real promise was the blind troll, oddly enough. She had revealed the fact that she could literally smell colors and shapes early in the class, and this had proved to be to her benefit. Hers was the best of the class, not that any of the others had done particularly well.

The Hufflepuffs were last. Snape did not mind them much either, usually. Most of them were incompetent, but they were quiet, acceptingly incompetent. None of them made much fuss over anything. At least, not until this year, when Karkat Vantas became a member of Hufflepuff.

He complained for much of the beginning of class about anything that came into his head, whether it be how difficult it was to prepare the ingredients to how stupid the assignment and the entire class was. Finally, Snape began deducting points, and although he also complained about not caring about points, he did get quieter. When Snape looked at his potion and deemed it unacceptable, however, he began to rant about the impossibility of the task, and Snape just as quickly sentenced him to a week of detention before walking away and leaving him to fume.

John Egbert, by contrast, seemed quietly crestfallen when Snape informed him that his potion was no good. Snape felt rather like he had just kicked a cute puppy. In his own way, that made John at least as annoying as Karkat.

Tavros Nitram, the troll confined to a floating chair, was no better than the other two. Most of the ingredients seemed to disturb him, and he didn't touch them any longer than he had to. When Snape was checking the contents of his cauldron, he looked relieved to simply be done.

Feferi Peixes, the female troll, was surprisingly adept. She looked confident and even excited as she made the potion, and while it turned out well, Snape could have done without the humming. When he spoke to her, he found her to also be deliriously bubbly and took an instant dislike to her.

Finally, his classes were over for the day, leaving Snape sitting at his desk with his head in his hands, feeling exhausted. At least the Ravenclaws were tolerable. However, he had a feeling he was going to regret giving Dave and Karkat detentions. And they would be arriving for it in less than three hours. It was not going to be a pleasant evening.